Keep an Eye on That Guy

Dear Reader, this column was originally published in my newspaper column on February 18, 2016.

As I’ve told you before, Dear Reader, the Super Bowl Party we attend really takes fun to a whole new level.  Someone who is serious about football and can hold her own in any football discussion (like me) has a great time.  Someone who is not serious about football and could never hold his own in any football discussion (like my husband) has a great time too.

The party has absolutely fantastic people, amazing food, and fun games and prizes with one of the games being a “big game quiz.”  This consists of general knowledge information about the game of football, although it also pays to know the name of both Peyton Manning’s children, for which, yours truly, earned 4 points on the quiz.

I can hold my own on these quizzes.  For 23 years, I’ve never won, but I put in a respectable performance each year.  

My husband does not.  

The last few years, my son has been in charge of the “big game party quiz” and does a fantastic job.  If only he actually knew how to type he would be really great at it. He researched. He gathered his information. And in a nod to the 50th anniversary of the big game, if one answered every question correctly this year, he or she would earn a perfect score of 50.

It would have been oh-so-easy for me to try to memorize some of the questions and do some research and review (as I provided some typing assistance to my son) so I could really come up big this year on the quiz, but at least one parent in the home should be ethical – and that obviously falls to me, based on my husband’s recent behavior..

So meanwhile, back at the party, my young son gave the directions, distributed his quiz, and the game began.  I would like to report that immediately . . . immediately . . . I sensed a disturbance in the force! One look at my husband’s face and I knew somehow, someway, he was cheating!  I moved over by him to try to figure out what was going on, but then he started cheating off of my answers so I moved away again which was all part of his diabolical plan.

The quiz ended and my son went to the front of the room with his bull horn and began giving the answers.  The person I was sitting beside had actually studied for the test and was doing quite well. (It’s mainly a group of teachers so you knew some studying would be involved!)  I was happy that her hard work paid off.  

The quiz ended and I was certain my friend had won.  That is, until my husband blurted out, “Wait a minute.  I need more time! I got so many right it’s taking me awhile to add up my score!”

We all knew that was a lie!  I swarmed in and grabbed the quiz.  A quick glance told me all I needed to know:

Question 10:  Who was the Seahawks’ leading rusher in last year’s big game?  I had written down Marshawn Lynch (which was incorrect, but a very plausible answer) but my husband had written down the correct answer: Malcolm Butler.  How could my husband possibly get that correct?

And then the ugly truth spilled out.  Desperate for a win (and the DeBrand’s chocolate prize which accompanied it) prior to the party, my husband snuck into my son’s room, found the answer key for the quiz which my son carelessly left on his desk, snapped a photo of it on his phone, and then transferred all the answers to a sticky note.  (Phones are prohibited during the quiz.) He then had the audacity to pull an old-school-cheat-move with his little sticky note.  

I was absolutely livid and my husband was absolutely disqualified!

Later, as we processed his iniquity, I told him, “You know, if you hadn’t been so greedy and desired perfection you just might have gotten away with it if you’d missed a few questions.”

His response: “I knew I’d never get away with it so I went for it all!”  

And to think, I’d actually considered nominating my husband for president!

Until the next Wednesday the Lord allows.