All Hypothetical, Of Course!

You know you are living in a pandemic when. . .

  • Your husband realizes (as he’s driving down the road) that he is still wearing his house slippers but it’s OK because none of your in-town stops involve getting out of the car.
  • Your husband colors your hair.
  • Your husband cuts your hair . . . for a second time.
  • You can’t remember the last time you’ve seen your husband in anything other than sweats.
  • You can’t remember the last time you ate at a restaurant.
  • You rarely have any laundry which needs ironed.
  • Your pet has literally become your best friend and confidant. 
  • Your home Wi-Fi is your most important connection to the world.
  • You get excited to finally see someone in person even if it’s just the UPS driver.
  • Your teenage son is so bored he talks to you, his mother.
  • You have time to binge watch the whole The Crown Season 4 in five days. (In my defense, unlike my husband, my job still involves being gone from the house all day!)
  • Your daughter enlightens you on little known facts such as, “You can literally itemize gambling losses.”
  • You enter a bank wearing a bandana over your face and no one is alarmed.
  • You are known on a first name basis by the click-list people.  
  • You can grocery shop in your pajamas.  Oh wait, they’ve been doing that at Wal-Mart for a long time.
  • Your closets are the cleanest they’ve been in years.
  • You’re contemplating purchasing a second freezer.
  • Your calendar has entire weeks which are simply blank.
  • You and your husband wonder if it’s wrong to feel guilty that life has slowed down and you are relieved.
  • You can go two years without changing the oil in your car.
  • You wonder how you ever kept the schedule you lived in your pre-pandemic life.

Of course, this is all hypothetical . . . all hypothetical, of course!

Until the next Wednesday the Lord allows.