It Feels the Same, but Different

Recent events have brought the feelings all flooding back.  I suppose it can’t be helped. I’ve thought more about those minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months more than I have in a long time.

After the wreck I wondered, “How long?”  How long would all of this go on? How long would paralysis wrap its strangle grip around my family?  How long would paralysis dictate how life was lived for every moment of every day and every night?

After the wreck I wondered, “How does this all turn out financially?”  Let’s be real, two $35,000 helicopter medical rides in one afternoon would set back any family financially.  And that was just the tip of the iceberg.

After the wreck I wondered, “How many more disappointments?”  When I first saw my daughter after we knew she was considered paralyzed for life, we calmly discussed the situation.  She went through a whole litany of questions she had about her life. Naturally, the discussion started with her loss of running, but it quickly moved to much deeper and more important topics.  Will I be able to go to college? Will I be able to drive? What does life even look like living in a wheelchair?

After the wreck I was floored by the number of people who really didn’t grasp the enormity of the situation and take it seriously.  I wanted to shout from my wheelchair, “Life has changed people! We have to face it!” People questioned why my daughter’s best friend’s family built a ramp to their front door the weekend after my daughter was paralyzed.  People wanted to buy Alissa items she would never be able to use again. I had to try to explain why flip flops wouldn’t work for her anymore and how rings get caught on wheelchair tires when one pushes oneself. Our entire world had changed but people refused to believe it.

After the wreck I was incredulous at the number of people who were in disbelief that something like this would happen to us.  “I can’t believe God would let this happen! Why is He doing this to you?” Or the people who wanted to make some direct connection between the sins of the Jaggers and our current horrible lot.  “What unconfessed sin do you or Alissa have because God wouldn’t punish you like this, if you didn’t do something terribly wrong and bad?”

And now, during Covid-19, I wonder “How long?”  How long will all of this go on? How long will this pandemic wrap its strangle grip around our world?  How long will Covid-19 dictate how life is lived for every moment of every day and every night?

During Covd-19 I wonder, “How does this all turn out financially?”  Let’s be real, what we’ve seen is just the tip of the iceberg.

During Covid-19 I’ve wondered, “How many more disappointments?”  Cam’s indoor track relay team ran to a 6th best time in the entire state.  They were going to the indoor track state meet! Cam’s times on the track were the best they’d been since the wreck!  I remember when we realized there would be no indoor state track meet or even an outdoor track season. And now those disappointments seem mild to the really life-altering disappointments that people everywhere are facing.

During Covid-19 I’ve been floored by the number of people who really don’t seem to grasp the enormity of the situation and take it seriously.  I’ve wanted to shout, “Life has changed people! We have to face it!” My husband was sent home from work on Tuesday, March 10 and told to work from home until further notice.  My daughter was sent home from college on Friday, March 13. My son and I walked out of our respective public schools that same day. That evening our family self-quarantined. We have been mocked behind our backs and openly.  We are not doing this out of fear or a lack of trust or faith in our Heavenly Father. Please believe me, our family, more than many, have seen firsthand how God takes a situation that looks like absolute trash and brings good from it. We self-quarantined because we want to do our part to make this pandemic all better for everyone, not just ourselves.

During Covid-19 I’ve been incredulous at the number of people who were in disbelief that something like this would happen to us.  “I can’t believe God would let this happen! Why is He doing this to us?” My family was discussing this very topic the other day and my teenage son, with only the deadpan sarcasm delivery he can deliver, quipped, “Ya, because throughout history it’s been proven time and time again that nothing bad ever happens to the Christians!”  I’m not really sure why some folks are ever really surprised when bad things happen. I’ve always literally believed Jesus when he said, “In this world you will have trouble.”  

But I’ve also read and believe the second part of that verse, “but take heart.  I have overcome the world.”

Once again, I find myself grateful and thankful for my life experiences.  I know all too well what it means to not be living the life you thought or hoped you’d be living. And I know all too well that this doesn’t all end like it feels today!  We have a hope! We have a future! And we have a God who can be trusted through paralysis and Covid-19 and yes, even death! Thanks be to Him for His indescribable gift!

Until the next Wednesday the Lord allows. Thanks for any recommendations you might make to friends and family about the blog.  Followers help my cause. 😉